The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - P(em)erson, Lake and Panda

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was having a marvellous time at the lake. He was with Panda the Panda and The Wally Duck. Panda the Panda was a Panda from Pandarama. Pandarama was a small town just 17 miles away from the lake. Panda the Panda often came to visit his friend, The Wally Duck. Panda the Panda wasn't a big fan of The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, but he tolerated him, just to spend time with The Wally Duck.

After a long day playing by the lake, it was time to go home. Panda the Panda told The Wally Duck that he was moving a long way away to be with other Pandas. "They call it a Zoo!" he said. It all sounded very exciting. The Wally Duck said goodbye. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person just made light of the emotional moment. Panda the Panda, realising he wasn't going to see The Wally Duck again and how much he disliked The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, flipped out big style! He hit The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person over the head with a stick and then threw The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's unconscious froggy body into the deepest part of the lake.

Panda the Panda said goodbye again and ran away. The Wally Duck went in search of The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. Thankfully, Some nearby doggers had seen everything and telephoned 999, The emergency services soon arrived and the search was on. Relief! They found The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and managed to save him. The Police also caught up with Panda the Panda. He wouldn't stop running from them though, so they shot him. Some stories have a sad ending.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Stunt Frog Bike Rider

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was hanging out with his friend Claude the Frenchman. Claude was a proper mad-head. He used to ride his BMX bike really fast. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was envious of how fast Claude the Frenchman could ride his BMX and all the stunts he could do, he wished he was that good, so he beat up Claude the Frenchman really bad and stole his BMX bike. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person practises on the BMX bike all the time now, whilst Claude the Frenchman is still in hospital.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Hose down the tent for the farewell festival (Part 1)

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and The Wally Duck were playing tig on titty hills fields. Tig was a fun game and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had declared himself the champion of the town. He always said that titty hills fields was his territory and nobody could beat him at tig around here. The Wally Duck was useless at tig, and could never 'tig' The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person because he wasn't fast enough.

The game of tig was almost over when The Wally Duck noticed a tent pitched in the field behind the titty hills. "I wonder who are there?" asked The Wally Duck. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person jumped on The Wally Duck and shouted "tig, tig, tig, tig" whilst slapping him. He then got up, cried "I win" and answered "I don't know, lets go find out".

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and The Wally Duck walked over to the tent. They slowed down as they got there. It wasn't a large tent, but there was a cooker outside and a couple of pot noodles. Just as they got very close the tent opened and out jumped a cat. "Oh hello there, I'm Mindy the Cat". The Wally Duck was very excited to meet a cat and he immediately introduced himself and made friends. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was a little shy and moped about instead.

The Wally Duck was nosey and asked Mindy the Cat what she was doing. Mindy the Cat told The Wally Duck that she was here with her friend, Rick the Sheep, for the Ray Liotta big screen festival. "It's going to be awesome" Mindy the Cat said, "There are going to be thousands here, they're showing lots of Ray's films, there are tribute acts going on and then the headline act is the re-premiere of Cop Land, but they've made Ray Liotta re-dub all his parts so he speaks clearer and there is also an extra scene.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had been listening in. "Ha, Ray Liotta is rubbish" he shouted. That wasn't a wise thing as just a minute earlier around 59,000 Ray Liotta fans had turned up for this festival. Thankfully the chant of "Muppets in space, Muppets in space, Muppets in space" from them had drowned out The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's remark.

The festival was filling up, The Wally Duck wanted to stay but didn't have a tent, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was being miserable. Then, Mindy the Cat's friend, Rick the Sheep came out of the tent. He was a huge Ray Liotta fan, and had even travelled around the world watching Field of Dreams in every language it was dubbed into. This really impressed The Wally Duck. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was very rude about it. "I'm so happy they've made a new scene for Cop Land, even if Stallone isn't in it" said Rick the Sheep. The Wally Duck was a big fan of Sly Stallone "It's okay though" said Mindy the Cat, "They managed to get Hulk Hogan to play Sly's part, so that's cool". The Wally Duck prefers Hulk Hogan to Sly Stallone, so he is extra happy. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person started to cry.

(At some point this will be) To be continued...

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Friends Reunited

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was driving his Froggy car back from the Supermarket when a young lady caught his eye. It was his good friend Ye Olde Betty Dish. He and Ye Olde Betty Dish go back years. When The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was just a young frog, and wore just slightly awesomely funky shirts, it was Ye Olde Betty Dish who used to make his packed lunches. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person called her over to his car and took her back to his house.

Back to Froggy HQ, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and Ye Olde Betty Dish spoke for hours about old times, how much fun they had and how he'd managed to get her to make his sandwiches, even though they were the same age. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person showed Ye Olde Betty Dish his collection of Buffy DVDs, She was impressed because he had them all, some on VHS too! Ye Olde Betty Dish told The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that she really liked Buffy, but preferred Angel. This didn't impress The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person so he threw her out and spent the rest of the day watching his collection of Buffy DVDs.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Jogging in the Park

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, The Wally Duck and their friend, Misty the Massive Monster, Went for a jog in the park. The park was a lovely place for a jog, especially in the summer months... sadly it was darkest winter, the sun had long since gone in and the scary men and dirty ladies of the night were out. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was jogging in the middle of the other two, he was quite scared and expected Misty the Massive Monster to protect him. At that point, Misty the Massive Monster dropped a huge bomb shell. "Well that's me" he said, "I'll see you guys later". "W..what?" stuttered The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. The Wally Duck explained to The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that Misty the Massive Monster lived in the middle of the park. Misty the Massive Monster asked The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person if he were scared, and if so he offered to walk them out of the park, but The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person just laughed off such a suggestion.

Oh Dear. Now The Wally Duck and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person were all alone in the park. The Wally Duck then dropped another bombshell by saying he was staying in the pond here, because his cousin Casper Ronald Marshall was a waste of time, bound for failure and The Wally Duck wanted to laugh at him before he failed. Now The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was all alone in the scary park. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person started to jog, and then started to run... run as fast as his froggy legs would let him. Some friendly looking people with red eyes noticed him and decided to chase. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person ran even faster. YES! The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person managed to get out of the park and onto the safer streets. With the dangers left behind, he just had to worry about street crime. Parks are rubbish.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - The big WhEEl

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was all excited because the fun fair was in town. The fun fair came once a year and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person used to save money up for the rides. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person put on the funkiest shirt he could find, and went down to the leisure centre car park, where the fun fair was being held.

Down at the fun fair, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person met The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck was with his friend, Tina the Trout. Tina the Trout had already been on lots of rides. The Wally Duck had been on lots too, but didn't want to go on the big wheel because it was too high. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't like heights, but he didn't want to let anyone else know that, so when Tina the Trout asked him to join her on the big wheel, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person agreed.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and Tina the Trout got onto the big wheel. Tina the Trout was enjoying it, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was quite scared of falling out, but he trusted the safety certificate he'd seen, so he tried to relax and NOT look down. At that moment The Wally Duck shouted "Hey, Can you see me down here?" towards them. Instinctively and foolishly The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person looked down to see! They were right at the top now and it was a long way down, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was very scared and... it happened. He was so scared of heights it was a natural reaction. As grateful as she should be for the moisture, Tina the Trout was not impressed. Thankfully, there was no one below to get a shower from it.

When they got to the bottom, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person quickly got off and left the park. The Wally Duck and Tina the Trout followed him to his house. They told him not to be upset, and cheered him up by gorging a huge seafood pizza and watching Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion on the tv.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Déjà vu isn't just a warning for epileptics

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person went to visit his best friend, The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck lived in the Duck Pond in the municipal park. He got the name "The Wally Duck" because he is a bit of a wally. He thinks he can become a footballer and he swims about in dirty water. He is a very friendly duck though, possibly the friendliest duck in the world. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, on the other hand, is not very friendly at times, and today was his male-monthly day.

Today, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was being especially rude to The Wally Duck. He'd already urinated on him, and was just about to vomit on his stash of bread crusts when The Wally Duck finally snapped and flew after The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. He flew straight into him, knocking him right over and then The Wally Duck proceeded to bite him to pieces. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person cried a lot. When The Wally Duck had finished, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person picked up the chunks of his flesh he could find, and ran home, crying all the way.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Putting it to the basketball bullies

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person went to play a game of Basketball down at the local sports centre. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person wasn't very good, but that didn't matter because it was all about the fun and taking part. This is Britain after all, where mediocrity is celebrated and showing effort in failure is applauded. The local Basketball team were practising on the court. They were very good. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person once tried to get on the team, but he wasn't good enough. In fact, they were very cruel to him when they told him he'd not made the squad. They laughed at him and threw things at him, things like cans, bricks and tyres. This made The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person sad at the time, but seeing them for the first time since, he just felt angry. So The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person started to think up a plan.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person called one of them over to him. The Basketball player instantly recognised him, and like a bully would, called his team mates over, and then started to laugh at The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. They started to say very cruel things to The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, they made fun of his green skin, his funny shaped eyes and his funky shirt. This didn't bother The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person though, as he started making fun back by telling them their team was rubbish, pointing out they'd lost lots of games and told the captain of the team that Larry 'The Lad' Lotto was boinking his girlfriend, behind the Basketball Arena during every home game. This made their captain very angry.

The Basketball team told The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person they were going to beat him up. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person told them how pathetic it was that an entire team needed to pick on one person, and with that he whipped out a massive stick and whacked the crap out of them all. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person may be rubbish at Basketball, but he was great at hitting people with sticks. He'd even put some dog muck on the end of it to really piss them off. After The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had knocked the heck out of them all, he promised them that if they ever came after him, they'd have to kill him because if they didn't, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person would come back with an even bigger stick, with even more dog muck on the end, and whack even more hell out of them. With that The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person left, leaving a big pile of broken boned, Basketball playing, dog muck smelling bullies behind. Today, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person totally rocked!

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Bored Itchy

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't have anywhere to go. It was raining very hard outside and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't want to go outside and get wet. The Wally Duck was also visiting his ducky friends in another pond and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't know where.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person tried to think of something to do. He couldn't though. Then, the telephone rang. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person answered with his usually grumpy voice. He soon cheered up when Liz the Crab was on the other end. She was bored to. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person instantly invited her around to his pad. She accepted and told him she'd be around shortly.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had been warned many times about the dangers of Liz the Crab. She wasn't a 100% crab, she was more like a crab stick. She was half woman, half crab. She walked sidewards and had a shell. There was another reason for the crab name as well, but The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person couldn't remember. They'd never actually met before, but The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had heard lots of stories, she sounded fun.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person put on one of his funky shirts and some smelly scent. He washed his sexy green skin and practised his chat-up lines. The telephone rang again. It was The Wally Duck. He was having a great time at the other pond and wanted to know if The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person wanted to come and join him. He would have wanted to earlier, but Liz the Crab is coming now, so The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person explained Liz the Crab was on her way over, so he'll see The Wally Duck when he gets back. The Wally Duck is horrified and tells The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that he must not mix with Liz the Crab because he is weak and she is bad. This annoyed The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, he told The Wally Duck to go play with his friends and he put the telephone down. Just before he moved the receiver from his green ear, The Wally Duck said something like "but what about the mice". This puzzled The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person.

Liz the Crab arrived. She looked lovely and wasted no time in trying to woo The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. This "but what about the mice" comment was playing on The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's mind. It clearly was supposed to mean something and 'Mice' was the important word. What about the 'mice'? the 'ice'? the 'dice'? Did The Wally Duck mean furry dice? Ah just forget about it, Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. Go and play with Liz the Crab.
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The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person plays with Liz the Crab all afternoon. They have fun. She leaves. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person drinks some spirits and smokes some cigarettes, he begins to think about the 'mice' word. What could it have been? He goes through the alphabet.

Aice, Bice, Cice, Dice... narr. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person scratches his head.
Eice, Fice, Gice, Hice, Ice? Hmm, It was cold today? But no, it can't be ice, it wasn't that cold. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person continues to scratch his head at this one.
Jice, Kice, Lice.. Hmm Lice maybe? The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person thinks it could be Lice, he's still scratching, but not his head any more. Yes it is Lice! That is where the nickname Liz the Crab comes from. Oh no! That was pretty instant!

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person feels very silly for ignoring The Wally Duck. Girls are Dirty! Stay Away!

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Never be rude to a Bigamist

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was learning to tie his shoe laces. He used to be able to do it, in fact he once won an award for it, but he'd forgotten how to. During his learning time, Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser came bursting into his house. Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser was a bigamist, but he was also an ex-professional wrestler, who'd been sacked from his last job because he'd been caught injecting steroids into his pecker - this man was bad news. Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser was really pissed off with The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person because he'd heard a story that The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had 'titted up' his 5th wife at the local supermarket as they both queued at the checkout.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person denied the story. He was non-to-plussed at being accused of such a thing. Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser didn't give a toss what The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had to say, "Look frog-head", he yacked "You either titted her up and you'll get a whacking for that, or you didn't, and that means you don't think she's fit, and you should cos she is well fit, so that way you're saying she's a munter, and saying she's a munter means you're going to get a whacking. Either way, you're copping a whacking, frog-head".

It didn't look promising for The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. "Your fifth wife is very pretty, but i'd never take advantage, i respect you too much, Mr McPisser" pleaded The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser paused for a moment, "I suppose that makes sense, but that last bit makes you sound like a gayer and you fancy me. I don't like gayers so you're going to get a double hard whacking for that!". The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was looking straight down both barrels of a double hard whacking. If Whackings were earrings then The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was hanging from Su Pollard's ears.

At that moment, The Wally Duck popped around to see if The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person wanted to play a game of Scatch, little did he know he was walking into a war zone. Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser has always liked The Wally Duck, so he politely explained everything and told him to step aside and he wouldn't get hurt. The Wally Duck put a good word in for The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, and to his credit he got the Double hard whacking down to a one and half strength whacking.

It was at this point that The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person sunk to new depths. To try and save his own green skin, he accused The Wally Duck of doing things. He told Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser that The Wally Duck regularly went around to his house and titted up all his wives. Sadly for The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser didn't believe him, and it also pissed off The Wally Duck. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person now got a 10-times whacking off Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser and then The Wally Duck pecked what was left of his pathetic corpse. He wasn't dead, he was just resting.

Just so you all know, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person never titted her up, and just before The Wally Duck had arrived at The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's house, he'd been around at Bruce 'The Bigamist' McPisser's house, titting up all his wives.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Job Job Job Job Job Job Job

Once upon a time there was an incredibly stupid frog person. With Christmas coming, and presents to buy, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person needed some money to buy presents, but he didn't have a job because he was too stupid. He once tried to work at a shop, but he kept sending people to the toilets. He tried to phone his good friend, Cyril the sadistic seller. Cyril once told The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that he'd make a great seller because he has a natural selling talent. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't believe him. This sent Cyril the sadistic seller into a deep depression because he'd failed to sell The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person on the idea that he could be a good seller. Cyril the Sadistic Seller's depression got so bad he attempted to cut his palms off with the battery cover from a sky digibox remote control. At this point, one of his friends checked him into a rehab clinic, where Cyril the Sadistic Seller lost all his money because it was too expensive. Upon Cyril the Sadistic Seller's release, any fixing was instantly wiped out due to a lack of money.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person could not find Cyril the Sadistic Seller's telephone number, but The Wally Duck knew it, so he flew up to The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's house with it. The Wally Duck has a great memory for telephone numbers. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person telephoned Cyril the Sadistic Seller but there was no answer. The Wally Duck watches The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person try about 12 times over 4 hours before saying "If you're trying to speak to Cyril the Sadistic Seller, you won't get him. He finally managed to cut one of his palms off with a battery cover and he bled to death. Apparently the remote control battery covers for Sky HD boxes are much sharper than regular or sky+ ones". The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was incredibly angry at The Wally Duck for not telling him earlier. He was also sad for Cyril the Sadistic Seller, but only because it meant he couldn't get a job and that meant there would be no Christmas gifts for anyone. He secretly thought Cyril the Sadistic Seller was a bugger.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Wally Duck will kick your arse

Once upon a time there was an incredibly stupid frog person. Today was a cold day, and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person decided to go and see his friend, The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck was almost as stupid as The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. The Wally Duck used to swim with his normal Duck friends on the Duck pond, but The Wally Duck used to swim on the bit where all the drunks had wee's or vomit into when they'd drunk too much beer. The Wally Duck also dreams of being the centre forward for 'Ducks United Football Club'. The other ducks told him there was a team called Ducks United, and ever since The Wally Duck has believed them. Even The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person wouldn't be that stupid. Ducks cannot even play football!

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person went down to the pond to meet The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck tells him how the other ducks are all out hunting down stale bread. The Wally Duck suggests they have a game of football. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person tells Wally Duck he's a total spam piece for even suggesting they play football. The Wally Duck's feelings are hurt, but he's not letting some half-frog/half-person call him a 'Spam piece' so he pecks him until his green skin turns red. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person runs home crying as The Wally Duck screams "You're the Spam Piece you idiot.... see you next week, yeah?".

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - The Parachutist with a limp

Once upon a time there was an incredibly stupid frog person. This frog person used to parade himself around the town as if he owned it and he rubbed some people up the wrong way. One such person was Graham the Parisian Parachutist. Graham was a funny French person. He was always throwing himself off things, but they were never quite high enough for his parachute to fully take affect, and therefore Graham walked with his own imitable limp. The incredibly stupid frog person would try and copy Graham the Parisian Parachutist's limp whenever he saw him.

One day, Graham the Parisian Parachutist was walking towards Wobbly Bob the Bookmaker's, Bookmakers. It was Thursday and there was money left from the weeks kitty, so Graham the Parisian Parachutist could afford an afternoon in the bookmakers. Whilst Graham the Parisian Parachutist was on his way there, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person saw him from the other side of the road and quickly ran across. Graham the Parisian Parachutist wasn't best pleased when The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was putting on his version of ' the limp' as he crossed the road. He wished he could kick him in the face, but sadly all the bad landings had stopped him from being able to reach The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's, froggy face. Instead Graham the Parisian Parachutist just gobbed on The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and limped off as fast as he could. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person just stood there, shocked, as he couldn't understand why Graham the Parisian Parachutist would do such a thing.

The End.