Tuesday 6 November 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - P(em)erson, Lake and Panda

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was having a marvellous time at the lake. He was with Panda the Panda and The Wally Duck. Panda the Panda was a Panda from Pandarama. Pandarama was a small town just 17 miles away from the lake. Panda the Panda often came to visit his friend, The Wally Duck. Panda the Panda wasn't a big fan of The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, but he tolerated him, just to spend time with The Wally Duck.

After a long day playing by the lake, it was time to go home. Panda the Panda told The Wally Duck that he was moving a long way away to be with other Pandas. "They call it a Zoo!" he said. It all sounded very exciting. The Wally Duck said goodbye. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person just made light of the emotional moment. Panda the Panda, realising he wasn't going to see The Wally Duck again and how much he disliked The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, flipped out big style! He hit The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person over the head with a stick and then threw The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's unconscious froggy body into the deepest part of the lake.

Panda the Panda said goodbye again and ran away. The Wally Duck went in search of The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. Thankfully, Some nearby doggers had seen everything and telephoned 999, The emergency services soon arrived and the search was on. Relief! They found The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and managed to save him. The Police also caught up with Panda the Panda. He wouldn't stop running from them though, so they shot him. Some stories have a sad ending.

Sunday 23 September 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Stunt Frog Bike Rider

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was hanging out with his friend Claude the Frenchman. Claude was a proper mad-head. He used to ride his BMX bike really fast. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was envious of how fast Claude the Frenchman could ride his BMX and all the stunts he could do, he wished he was that good, so he beat up Claude the Frenchman really bad and stole his BMX bike. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person practises on the BMX bike all the time now, whilst Claude the Frenchman is still in hospital.

The End.

Saturday 8 September 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Hose down the tent for the farewell festival (Part 1)

One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and The Wally Duck were playing tig on titty hills fields. Tig was a fun game and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had declared himself the champion of the town. He always said that titty hills fields was his territory and nobody could beat him at tig around here. The Wally Duck was useless at tig, and could never 'tig' The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person because he wasn't fast enough.

The game of tig was almost over when The Wally Duck noticed a tent pitched in the field behind the titty hills. "I wonder who are there?" asked The Wally Duck. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person jumped on The Wally Duck and shouted "tig, tig, tig, tig" whilst slapping him. He then got up, cried "I win" and answered "I don't know, lets go find out".

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and The Wally Duck walked over to the tent. They slowed down as they got there. It wasn't a large tent, but there was a cooker outside and a couple of pot noodles. Just as they got very close the tent opened and out jumped a cat. "Oh hello there, I'm Mindy the Cat". The Wally Duck was very excited to meet a cat and he immediately introduced himself and made friends. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was a little shy and moped about instead.

The Wally Duck was nosey and asked Mindy the Cat what she was doing. Mindy the Cat told The Wally Duck that she was here with her friend, Rick the Sheep, for the Ray Liotta big screen festival. "It's going to be awesome" Mindy the Cat said, "There are going to be thousands here, they're showing lots of Ray's films, there are tribute acts going on and then the headline act is the re-premiere of Cop Land, but they've made Ray Liotta re-dub all his parts so he speaks clearer and there is also an extra scene.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person had been listening in. "Ha, Ray Liotta is rubbish" he shouted. That wasn't a wise thing as just a minute earlier around 59,000 Ray Liotta fans had turned up for this festival. Thankfully the chant of "Muppets in space, Muppets in space, Muppets in space" from them had drowned out The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person's remark.

The festival was filling up, The Wally Duck wanted to stay but didn't have a tent, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was being miserable. Then, Mindy the Cat's friend, Rick the Sheep came out of the tent. He was a huge Ray Liotta fan, and had even travelled around the world watching Field of Dreams in every language it was dubbed into. This really impressed The Wally Duck. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was very rude about it. "I'm so happy they've made a new scene for Cop Land, even if Stallone isn't in it" said Rick the Sheep. The Wally Duck was a big fan of Sly Stallone "It's okay though" said Mindy the Cat, "They managed to get Hulk Hogan to play Sly's part, so that's cool". The Wally Duck prefers Hulk Hogan to Sly Stallone, so he is extra happy. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person started to cry.

(At some point this will be) To be continued...

Wednesday 5 September 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Friends Reunited

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was driving his Froggy car back from the Supermarket when a young lady caught his eye. It was his good friend Ye Olde Betty Dish. He and Ye Olde Betty Dish go back years. When The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was just a young frog, and wore just slightly awesomely funky shirts, it was Ye Olde Betty Dish who used to make his packed lunches. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person called her over to his car and took her back to his house.

Back to Froggy HQ, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and Ye Olde Betty Dish spoke for hours about old times, how much fun they had and how he'd managed to get her to make his sandwiches, even though they were the same age. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person showed Ye Olde Betty Dish his collection of Buffy DVDs, She was impressed because he had them all, some on VHS too! Ye Olde Betty Dish told The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that she really liked Buffy, but preferred Angel. This didn't impress The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person so he threw her out and spent the rest of the day watching his collection of Buffy DVDs.

The End.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Jogging in the Park

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, The Wally Duck and their friend, Misty the Massive Monster, Went for a jog in the park. The park was a lovely place for a jog, especially in the summer months... sadly it was darkest winter, the sun had long since gone in and the scary men and dirty ladies of the night were out. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was jogging in the middle of the other two, he was quite scared and expected Misty the Massive Monster to protect him. At that point, Misty the Massive Monster dropped a huge bomb shell. "Well that's me" he said, "I'll see you guys later". "W..what?" stuttered The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. The Wally Duck explained to The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person that Misty the Massive Monster lived in the middle of the park. Misty the Massive Monster asked The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person if he were scared, and if so he offered to walk them out of the park, but The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person just laughed off such a suggestion.

Oh Dear. Now The Wally Duck and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person were all alone in the park. The Wally Duck then dropped another bombshell by saying he was staying in the pond here, because his cousin Casper Ronald Marshall was a waste of time, bound for failure and The Wally Duck wanted to laugh at him before he failed. Now The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was all alone in the scary park. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person started to jog, and then started to run... run as fast as his froggy legs would let him. Some friendly looking people with red eyes noticed him and decided to chase. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person ran even faster. YES! The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person managed to get out of the park and onto the safer streets. With the dangers left behind, he just had to worry about street crime. Parks are rubbish.

Monday 27 August 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - The big WhEEl

One Day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was all excited because the fun fair was in town. The fun fair came once a year and The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person used to save money up for the rides. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person put on the funkiest shirt he could find, and went down to the leisure centre car park, where the fun fair was being held.

Down at the fun fair, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person met The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck was with his friend, Tina the Trout. Tina the Trout had already been on lots of rides. The Wally Duck had been on lots too, but didn't want to go on the big wheel because it was too high. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person didn't like heights, but he didn't want to let anyone else know that, so when Tina the Trout asked him to join her on the big wheel, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person agreed.

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person and Tina the Trout got onto the big wheel. Tina the Trout was enjoying it, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was quite scared of falling out, but he trusted the safety certificate he'd seen, so he tried to relax and NOT look down. At that moment The Wally Duck shouted "Hey, Can you see me down here?" towards them. Instinctively and foolishly The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person looked down to see! They were right at the top now and it was a long way down, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was very scared and... it happened. He was so scared of heights it was a natural reaction. As grateful as she should be for the moisture, Tina the Trout was not impressed. Thankfully, there was no one below to get a shower from it.

When they got to the bottom, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person quickly got off and left the park. The Wally Duck and Tina the Trout followed him to his house. They told him not to be upset, and cheered him up by gorging a huge seafood pizza and watching Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion on the tv.

Monday 20 August 2007

The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person - Déjà vu isn't just a warning for epileptics


One day, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person went to visit his best friend, The Wally Duck. The Wally Duck lived in the Duck Pond in the municipal park. He got the name "The Wally Duck" because he is a bit of a wally. He thinks he can become a footballer and he swims about in dirty water. He is a very friendly duck though, possibly the friendliest duck in the world. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person, on the other hand, is not very friendly at times, and today was his male-monthly day.

Today, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person was being especially rude to The Wally Duck. He'd already urinated on him, and was just about to vomit on his stash of bread crusts when The Wally Duck finally snapped and flew after The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person. He flew straight into him, knocking him right over and then The Wally Duck proceeded to bite him to pieces. The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person cried a lot. When The Wally Duck had finished, The Incredibly Stupid Frog Person picked up the chunks of his flesh he could find, and ran home, crying all the way.

The End.